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First blog post – Hi how are you?

Hi Fellow Universal Beings… how many times do we feel like truly answering that we feel good instead of just saying so when we are asked “how are you?” Those are the times we know we could be hiding our emotions of feeling the following:

  • Lost
  • Afraid
  • Frustrated
  • Guilty
  • Shame
  • Betrayed
  • Sad
  • Numb
  • Suicidal
  • And the list can go on…

With so much emphasis that feeling positive is the best way to be sometimes it just feels really hard to choose to put away all other feelings and simply feel good for the moment. Sometimes we may also feel afraid of coming across as being toxic if we truly shared what we feel. Some of us may have also tried seeking help actively to feel better but somehow it may have seemed like an endless cycle of ups and downs and we feel bored or frustrated at what it feels like to be living life.

Well here are a few questions we can think about:

  • Why are we feeling bored?
  • Are we looking for a point of arrival?
  • What does it mean to be a human being?

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how do I overcome feeling bullied?

actually I am not sure if it’s considered a bully or there’s some other term to it. thinking of my uncle who said he wanted me to go see the doc and tell them I am not alright with my mother. he’s telling my aunt she made a mistake by bringing me into her house when the doctors agreed that it was safe to let me stay with my aunt upon discharge. I have a nodding term relationship with my mom. I perceive her as a silent bully that she doesn’t show to others. I really wish I could sever ties with her for good. I let God be my ultimate judge regarding that. aunt won’t be around when I reach there and she doesn’t want me to stay at her place until she comes back. very afraid and don’t know where to go. very afraid my uncle going to force me to visit the hospital and make me go stay with my folks again. I wished my mom happy mother’s day just for the sake of it and to let him know I am ok with her. I know it’s not enough for him and he wants me to stay with my folks together. I dun want to. financially very unstable. feeling very lost and afraid. praying. how do I let go of the fear. just realised I am very afraid of my mom and my uncle and everyone in support of her. I feel very powerless and moreover she’s the mother so naturally the support goes to her. how do I stand up against any and all kinds of bullies?

Sudden Fear

After what’s happened, it feels like I’m going to be judged forever. I tend to be happy go lucky and I dun dwell over things too much and I do my best to live everyday telling myself the past is over and now is a new present moment. The sudden fear I felt today is that it feels like this living in the present and telling myself that the past is over is what will be unaccepted by the rest. It feels like they expect to see you in guilt and pain where they can tell you to move on and give you advices. And if they find you normal, they’re going to be like “oh you’re incorrigible”. And of cos u have the ones who will keep saying “you’re mentally ill even though you look normal” and when they talk to you it’s like they are talking to a child just to entertain the child for the sake of it when they dun feel like or just for the sake of having the experience of speaking with me and the ability to gossip share on what that feels like. The thought of dealing with these people with different perceptions feels challenging enough. I wonder if I can cope.

Why are we bored?

When all we feel like doing is sleep cos we feel some kind of fatigue most of the time that’s when boredom has totally kicked in. Are we feeling sick and tired about some thing(s)? Are we very used to getting/doing anything we want the moment we feel like having/doing it at the soonest – instant gratification? Have we become all too serious that we are unable to laugh at our past for the precious life lessons learned the hard way? What if everything that has happened has happened for good regardless of how bad it may have been perceived? What if there’s a field beyond rightdoing and wrongdoing?

We all have freewill choices. We can dread in silence and complain within or out aloud about how we just feel so bored of living and wish for this boredom to end at the soonest or we can choose to simply breathe and be aware of each time we breathe in and each time we breathe out making patience the biggest strength that we will ever need knowing even a second ago was the past and it’s over in the present moment. We can choose to anchor patience as our biggest strength. Then, when boredom kicks in, the anchor keeps us between feeling nothing and everything. 

If life is like a game of snakes and ladders where every player plays till the top winner box is reached even if there is only one person left playing then it can get quite intense sometimes as we may tend to find it pointless to continue playing alone. But we do have a choice to become playful with patience as the biggest strength and play the game well till we reach the winner box even if we are all alone.

How playful can we be in all areas of life?